Garden of Desprite Emotion
by aliciaraesunshine
Summary: I am a vampire/shape shifter, I have been for a long time. My name is Izzy, but you might know me by the name Bella Swan. This is my story.
1. Chapter 1

I am a vampire/shape shifter, I have been for a long time. My name is Izzy, but you might know me by the name Bella swan. This is my story.

I was 18 the first time I shifted, about a month after the Cullen's left. Emoward left me in the woods to die, Sam found me and took me home to Charlie. If i honestly cared enough about what the Cullen's did to me now, I would probably still have those horrible nightmares. I however have been over it since The vampire venom Victoria left in my body created what i am. I woke with nobody but my wolves. Victoria made sure of that. She murdered Charlie and Renee and Phil, and for that, i can never forgive any of the Cullen's.

"Jake, I'll be back, I'm only going to be gone for a week." I sighed, Jake always has the same problem when I want to leave.

"You just want to go find your stupid fucking leeches Izzy, listen to me, if you find them, what happens if they don't want you back?" I sighed once more, "Jake, I'm going to see Peter and Charlotte, not to find the Cullen's. I haven't been Bella for a long time. I am the wolves vampire, nobody else's."

He smiled brightly, "wait until i tell Sam you actually admitted it." I laughed and ran to my car.

I started backing for the long drive to Montana, Emily made me a cheesecake and a couple of meals for the road. Yes, I may be a vampire, but im also a shifter, that means I eat, I can have babies, I can do a lot of things. I was never breakable, at least my body wasn't. I grab my Ipod and hook it up to my car stereo, put on Killswitch Engage and let their music blare through my speakers. I started singing along with the lyrics."This is the last time, you are the, forgotten, you let your dreams die, you are the, forgotten." I sigh, this is definitely the soundtrack of my life.

_**4 hours**_ **_later _**

**__**I was pulling into Peter and Char's driveway, the forgotten beginning to play again, I knew Peter and Charlotte were still out hunting and wouldn't mind me sitting here with my music, I sang ever word to the song.

You were once the source of a pureness that can't be defined  
And now you curse the day, how can you leave your faith behind

Just look at yourself do you like what you see  
I want no more of you, watch me walk away

This is your last time you are forgotten  
You let your dreams die you are the forgotten

Placed your ego above all but misplaced your innocence

Just look at yourself do you like what you see  
I want no more of you, watch me walk away

This is your last time you are forgotten  
You let your dreams die you are the forgotten

What have you given up will never return again  
Now you're dead inside I hope it was worth the cost  
I hope it was worth the cost I hope it was worth the cost  
Now you're buried alive

This is the last time  
This is the last time you are forgotten  
You let your dreams die you are forgotten

My head instinctively snapped to the woods as i heard someone walking towards me. I stepped out of my car still singing along with the music. When I saw who I was facing I gasped, "PETER!" I screamed. "yes iz?"

"What the hell is a Cullen doing herer?" perfect weapon by BVB playing in the back ground. It was the perfect song for my shitty life. "like the soundtrack to my life eh Jasper? Fuckward, Pixie, and Emmett they did this to me. Black Veil Brides, they always did have the perfect words to describe me."

I got in my trunk and pulled out my guitar and amp and began to play. "Do you not get it Jasper? They left me broken, a bird with broken wings, leaving without direction. Ain't that right Peter? Remember what i asked when i first met you? I asked you to be my sire, for you and Char to be my family, you said you were, but i'm not important. I'll be going home to LaPush and my wolves now thanks." I phased and ran around in the woods for a while.


	2. Chapter 2

I didn't want to think about the Cullen's or anything else for that matter. I felt Jake phase, _'Bells whats wrong? you don't normally phase when you're with Peter and Char, normally they can keep you calm.' _I barked out my sarcastic laughter, _'They could keep me calm until they welcomed a Cullen with open arms. Jasper, the blond one with all the scars from the southern vampire wars.'_ I phased back, grabbed the clothes Charlotte left for me, got dressed and walked back to Peter's house.

"I'm sorry Peter, but I can't handle being around a Cullen." Jasper hissed, "I haven't been a fucking Cullen for 19 years. They left me worse than they did you. I got a note from Alice when I got home from hunting saying that she hated me, didn't want me, and that I wasn't fucking welcome. so don't call me a fucking Cullen, I'm Jasper fucking Whitlock. I will never be one of them." at the last word I ran up and hugged him, letting him sob in my arms.

"I'm so sorry Jasper, I didn't know, when I saw you, it brought back all those bad memories that i pushed into the back of my mind. All of the things I had wanted to forget Jasper, the things that Edward did and said that day... I never want to see his face again... unless of course it is in his funeral pyre." I growled, it was Jaspers turn to talk, I sighed and layed my head on his chest, "don't leave me," he sobbed, "I can't lose you too!" I shushed him and put my IPod on my Ihome and played Perfect weapon.

"I have to call Jacob, Jasper, I... I imprinted on you, I can't be away from you, it is physically and mentally impossible, I'll be right back okay?" He nodded his head and went to sit on the porch swing, I pull out my phone and dial Jacobs number."

"hello?" He answered.

"Hey Jake, I've got something to tell you that you might find interesting." I said quietly and smiled at Jasper who smiled in return.

"What Bells?" He sounded aggitated, he was probably with Lilly. (his imprint)

"I imprinted Jake." I sighed

"Thats fantastic Izzy!" He shouted, "wait, its the who thats bad isn't it?"

I sighed again, "I imprinted on a vampire Jake, his name is Jasper Whitlock."

"WHAT?!" Jake yelled. I snapped my phone shut and growled, "He knows better than to talk to me like that," my eyes turned pitch black, I was pissed. I started shaking really bad, I was growling and snaraling, Peter was my first target. Rip off that shit eating grin. Noticing my change in target, he dropped the grin and he quickly looked submissive. Jasper put his arm around my waist and I instantly calmed the raging monster threatening to escape.

"I have to hunt Jasper, let go of me," He nodded I ran into the woods. I took a deep breath, noted that my mate was following me. I took another deep breath and sighed, _'Bear' _I thought and took down my prey, latching onto his jugular and sucked him dry. I phased and started eating the rest of the bear before whining, I could sense Jasper there, I needed for him to accept me in this form.

He came forward slowly, I plopped down on my belly waiting. He came up and finally touched the top of my head. I leaned into his touch and he smiled. "Phase back darlin', its time to go back to Peter and Char's, we will finish this later." My heart was pounding in my chest. I phased back in front of him, I groabbed the clothing he held out to me, put them on and grabbed his hand.

We ran back to Peter's house.

"Iz, you have visitors," I took a deep breath, "Jake and the pack are here, why?"

He sighed, "I don't know Iz, I just know that they're stinkin' up my couch."

I laughed, "I'll be in, give me a second." He nodded and walked back inside.

"Jasper, I need to to promise me something,"

"Anythin' darlin', I would do anything for you.

I nodd, "lets go then." He took my hand and followed me into the living room.

"Izzy we have to talk about this!"

I hissed, "Really Jake? Okay, lets talk about how first you disrespected me, and how you talked to me when you found out who I imprinted on, when I could have just ignored you exist for the rest of my existence." I growled " how about even before I left you called them leeches." tears were streaming down my face. Jasper noticed and wrapped his arms around me, I turned myself around and cried into his chest. "Jasper started purring, it comforted me. I smiled up at him, "You purred." I stated

"No I was growling,"

I sigh, "give up the tough guy act, you purred, I liked it."

He smiled, "Damn woman! its about time someone put him in his place." Peter had that shit eating grin on his face again.

"Shut the fuck up Peter!" Jasper yelled, "wipe that shit eating grin off your face before i rip it off." I snarled.


	3. Chapter 3

_Previously_

I hissed, "Really Jake? Okay, lets talk about how first you disrespected me, and how you talked to me when you found out who I imprinted on, when I could have just ignored you exist for the rest of my existence." I growled " how about even before I left you called them leeches." tears were streaming down my face. Jasper noticed and wrapped his arms around me, I turned myself around and cried into his chest. "Jasper started purring, it comforted me. I smiled up at him, "You purred." I stated

"No I was growling,"

I sigh, "give up the tough guy act, you purred, I liked it."

He smiled, "Damn woman! its about time someone put him in his place." Peter had that shit eating grin on his face again.

"Shut the fuck up Peter!" Jasper yelled, "wipe that shit eating grin off your face before i rip it off." I snarled.

***CURRENTLY***

"Now Jacob, speak."

he just looked at me in shock, "I'm so sorry Bells, I thought you were lying to me."

I growled, "Jacob Ephraim Black! I have never in my life lied to you." He looked down at the floor. "What would have happened if I reacted this way with Lilly?" I snarled. "Accused you of being delusional? Denied you your imprint?" I spoke softly, surely, determined and confident. "That's exactly what you are doing to me Jacob, it kills me that you, my best friend, would do this to me." I walked out of the room, grabbed my cigarettes and sat on the back deck. I heard the pack come out and surround me.

"You know," I said, "maybe I shouldn't be the vampire that runs with wolves, maybe I should be the wolf that runs with vampires. I mean I love you all, but if you dont want to except my mate..." I let myself trail off.

Sam sighed, "Bella, you are the heart of this pack, we don't want to lose you, I understand more than anyone that you don't get a choice in your imprint. Bella, I'm not gonna make your decisions for you, but you are like my little sister, I just want your promise, that you will visit me, Emily, and the kids often."

I laughed,"Sam, you know better, I'll visit a lot, you know that, and I'll call every night if it makes you feel better."

He nodded, "You do that Bells." He smiled at me, I smiled back.

"Bella, I'm so sorry for making you feel like that, but I still want you to come home..." I cut him off, "Jacob that might be my home, but Jasper is my heart. I refuse to be kept away from him."

Jakes eyes grew wide, "I didn't expect the imprint to be that strong so fast."

I laughed, "You know what Jake? You are just like your father, Keeping me far from where my heart is. I'm sick of it. I will visit the Rez, but not because of you. No, you lost your place as my best friend when you refused to accept my imprint, and when you disrespected me." He looked at me sadly.

"Sam, please take the pack home. I'll be back at my scheduled time, we will be staying at my cabin right outside of the Rez border. After i get there, wait for me to come to you. Sam, you know how I don't like to have company because i built that cabin with my bare hands."

Sam nodded, "Boys go home, I'll be right behind you, say your goodbyes right now." He gave the command.

"Bye Bella!" The boys called on the way out, "see ya soon boys." I gave Sam a hug, "Get back to Em, I know she's waiting for you to get home." he nodded, "She is, but she wants her sister too." he gave me a look, I nodded, "I'll be back next week, tell her to call me if she needs me." he nodded and left.

"You built a cabin by yourself?" Peter asked and I nodded, "Its carved into the mountain, its so beautiful." I sighed, " I do miss my home, but its not time for me to go yet." Perter laughed, "I thought i was the one who just knows shit?!" I laughed, "Well Peter, looks like i inherited your power, both knowing shit and being a pain in the ass!" Jasper was rilling on the floor laughing so hard he was howling in pain at the same time. " Jasper, If you don't stop laughing at me, you will never get laid, not once. Eternity is a long time with just your hand and your sexual frustration." Jasper shut up and his eyes went wide," You wouldn't actually do that would you?" He asked

I glared, "Try me." Peter smirked, "Damn little one, I've never seen anyone put the major in his place so quick, not even that little devil pixie." I growled, "She is dead! Nobody will get away with hurting my mate!" Peter Whistled, "the warden has come out to play, Hey cheerful warden?" he asked

"What Peter?" I growled.

"Can I start the fire and Char wants to dance on her ashes."

I put a wicked grin on my face, "Fine, but I get to dance with Char." Char grinned.

"Bella, what happened to that girl in Forks, the girl I knew?" Jasper asked

I laughed, "Sorry Jasper sweetie, but she died when Edward said I was just a plaything."

Jasper growled, "I want him dead," he growled, "Now!"

I laugh, "only if Peter, Char, and I can dance on his ashes!"

Jasper had a wicked grin on his face that matched my own.


End file.
